Well the feelings rating hasn't really worked but was is working is talking with a friends who is a trained social worker.
With the lack of English speakers here it is really hard to find anyone decent to talk to, what I mean by that is that it is recommended that I go to a counsellor (how American do i feel right now) but of course I am not keen on that, still thinking I am fine!!!
Luckily she comes in every Friday and luckily I have been having an hours spare time to sit and chat with her about everything. The best thing about it is, really it is just a chat and I can talk to her about it all, mainly because she is going through it herself.
Everything I am worried about - my first major lull, Dad not really accepting it, my brother having a meltdown, not even being able to know my triggers and still struggling with the fact that i actually have anything - is being discussed and is able to be told to me straight!
THANK GOD!
I am almost at the point where once a week isn't enough! Yesterday on a day off (Tomb sweeping day of all things) I had so much to do and was busy doing it, but I got down, really down, so in the true spirit of me, I called some friends to come around for an hour and a glass of NZ sauv. Due to a number of things was still weird and left me with a funny feeling and I even started over analysing things!
Paranoia anyone?
I have even sworn off action for the time being as I no matter how much I may want it at the moment, I really don't think it will be good for my situation and my confidence I am sure will take a dive right down to insecure and self pity land!
Definitely NOT needed right now.
I have been given an assignment to do, involving a journal. Luckily because I have lost my art focus, drive and creativity I am not stuck with writing but drawing and art pieces, eg collages.
We'll see how it will go,
Disorder and creative block - watch out here I come!
