Last night I had the best night! I had biked to and from school, the weather was warm, I had finally used my kitchen for the first time in what feels like months and had enjoyed a healthy meal and a glass of wine, watching a new DVD TV series. Great night - relaxing - no problem....
Until I went to bed. All of a sudden my body went up tight and I tossed and I turned! The funny thing was I knew what I had to do.
Recently I had moved all of my 'depression' books from my bedside table to my book shelf in my spare bedroom - the pressure of them being beside my bed and unread had got to me. As soon as they were gone, I was relaxed and back to sleeping well again. So last night I got up and went and got one of the books to read.
As I came out of the spare room, I burst into tears - this gave me a huge fright as I wasn't feeling down at all and did not see this coming.
I think that this was my realisation point - I am depressed.
Hmmm, who would have guessed....but I think that that is precisely the point. I have been feeling so normal these last few weeks that I have not thought about the fact that I have depression and apart from taking the pills daily have not thought about it at all!
There lies the problem!
So now I am armed and dangerous, carrying with me my new knowledge and perspective - I read the book cover to cover and have another one lined up.
All I really hope is that I am one of the ones who recover and don't spiral down.
One thing is for certain - I am desperate to try and get rid of my black dog - He is so sneaky!
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